How to Talk to a Pregnant Woman

I am nine months pregnant (along with my dear sisters, Melissa and Nonie).  Being this pregnant, I get used to all types of comments from friends and strangers, wanting to be nice, or connect, or just think they should make some comment to a pregnant woman.

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was surprised to find that (at least to some people), social and cultural rules I thought were pretty well established somehow didn't apply to pregnant women.  Pregnancy is such an emotional time, but also such a special and wonderful time.  I love being pregnant, and I especially love babies.  I have been surprised at the negativity expressed to and expected from pregnant women.  Words are powerful!  A thoughtless comment from a stranger can make me feel embarrassed or self-conscious, while a kind and generous comment can really make me feel wonderful.

I've created a list of do's and don'ts when talking to a pregnant woman from my personal experience.  I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!

In labor with a 9lb baby (I can see why everyone thought it was twins!)

DON'T

• Don't ask if she's having twins.  Twins are not that common, and if she is having twins, she'll tell you.
• Don't try to think of a joke.  There just isn't a good joke to tell a pregnant woman. (e.g. say she's looking "swell," "well round-ed," etc.)
• Don't be or act surprised when you learn her due date.
• Don't tell her she has a long time to go until her due date.
• Don't tell her she looks uncomfortable.
• Don't tell her she's about to pop.  Avoid the word "pop" generally.
• Don't tell her there's a doctor on hand when she walks into a public place.
• Don't be surprised when she says she's feeling well.
• Don't ever tell anything negative about your birth experience.  If you had a bad experience and you're asked about it, think of something positive to say about it. 
• Don't tell her anything negative about either gender (which is harder, easier, etc).
• Don't guess at a due date, gender, or anything else.
• Don't touch her stomach unless you are so close you would be touching her stomach if she weren't pregnant.



After a jab from my dad about my growing tummy, I responded by pulling out the measuring tape. We were both pretty surprised to find out we were about exactly the same size (although he was slightly bigger).

DO

• Be very excited for her.
• Tell her she looks beautiful.  Because she does; she's pregnant!
• Ask her how she's feeling.
• Express sympathy if she's feeling sick or fatigue.
• Tell her her due date is soon.  If it's not soon, tell her it will be there before she knows it or it will come up really fast.
• Be excited to hear if she's having a boy or a girl; both are exciting and wonderful options!
• Offer to help (babysit, clean house, etc) before or after the baby is born.
• Give presents :)
• Be very respectful of any choice about the birth- natural, epidural, hospital, home, etc.

What has your experience been?  What have you learned from talking to or being a pregnant woman?