Potty Training

I currently have two sisters potty-training for the first time, and I am just wrapping up potty-training #2, so this is a timely topic for me!

Every parent/child relationship is unique, so this won't be the best method for everyone, but it's worked really well for me twice.  I haven't read about it anywhere, it's just what we decided to try and it worked both times.  I lovingly call it,

The Bare Buns Technique!

Here's what we do.

• Talk long in advance about going to the potty, wearing underwear, how the child is growing so big (too big for diapers), etc.
• Buy a potty.  You probably already have one.  We had a fancy-pants potty chair with a soft seat, but it started smelling really bad, and no amount of strong chemicals (I hate to use) would get the smell out of that soft seat.  So, we reverted back to a simple $5 IKEA potty 

I know people who keep one in the house and one in the car.  Not a bad idea.  And don't worry, cleaning out a potty like this is not as nasty as changing a dirty diaper.  Really.  

• Pick a day--several days when you know you're going to be home with few distractions.  
• Explain that now your wonderful little child is now big!  And it's time to not wear diapers anymore, but go on the potty!
• Go on a special outing to buy underwear that they choose.
• If you want, you can watch this cute movie I remember from my early childhood.
• Take off your child's diaper and pants (here's where the bare buns comes in).  For sanitation purposes, you can put your child in an extra long shirt for a boy, or a skirt for a girl.  I found that both of my boys felt "safe" with underwear on, so they'd still have accidents.  With their buns blowin' in the breeze, I could simply explain that if they had a "wet" or "BM" (pardon the lingo) and they forgot to sit on their toilet, it would go on their foot.  And that would be yucky.
• Note: you might not have to go this far if you have children who are really excited to always go to the potty.  My boys knew how, but they didn't want to.  But more than they didn't want to sit on the potty, they didn't want to go on their feet!

• Through out the day, ask if your child wants to go to the bathroom.  Don't make them; you want them to learn to listen to their bodies.  You don't know how they are feeling, my boys can both go all day without going to the bathroom sometimes!
• Take the potty into every room with your child, and don't go too far!  If it's warm, take the potty outside and do potty training outside all day!
• If there's an accident, just say, "Oh I'm sorry, I'll bet that's yucky for you.  Let's clean that up."  (If your child didn't mind getting it on him/herself, maybe they can help clean it up and that would change his/her mind :)
• When they do go in the potty, give them a good hug.  Don't make too huge a deal about it, though, whether they do or don't make it.  You don't want to put too much pressure on them.  Think about it: it doesn't make it easier or more fun for you if someone is standing at the bathroom door when you're going, telling you to hurry up!
• Depending on the personality, you might want to use a chart system.

Abraham with his filled out chart and new toy

My oldest had three charts: going in the potty chart, a wearing underwear all day chart, and a dry nighttime chart.  We haven't done charts this time around; I wanted it to be more low-key, and I think he's responded well to it.

• Wear diapers for naps and night for a while.
• I know a lot of people do potty-training all at once.  I prefer to wait until they're waking up dry (which usually happens right after they learn to be dry during the day).  
• After they're great bare buns, try the underwear.  Remember to stay close to them, and train them well how to remove it.  Make sure they're in pants that are really easy to pull down.
• When they're doing great at home, take it on the road!  
• Do a small outing first: to a park, on a walk, or to an understanding friend's house.  Bring the potty along!  
• As they get better and better, you can do longer and longer outings.
• Celebrate!  Buy them a "big kid toy," throw them a party, or take them on a date!  (Think of all the time/money/headache they're saving you!)

How do you know if your child is ready?  One very clear sign is if they leave their play, go out of the room, or into a corner or somehow separate themselves when they're going to do their business.  That way you know for sure that they know beforehand if they need to go to the bathroom.  Some mature 18 month olds can be potty trained.  

This looks like a ton of information, but it's easier than you think!!!  and soooo worth it...

There are many ways to potty train.  What have you tried?  What works for you?

The Dirty Dozen

What do I always buy organic?

All animal products (dairy, meat, eggs, etc.), anything containing a potential GMO crop (most rampantly corn and soy), and at least the top half of the list of contaminated produce compiled by the Environmental Working Group (EWG).

EWG is a non-profit organization that uses the "power of public information to protect public health and the environment." Their organizational goals are:

1. To protect the most vulnerable segments of the human population -- children, babies, and infants in the womb -- from health problems attributed to a wide variety of toxic contaminants.
2. To replace federal policies, including government subsidies that damage the environment and natural resources, with policies that invest in conservation and sustainable development.

I love how EWG does it: "Our research brings to light unsettling facts that you have a right to know. It shames and shakes up polluters and their lobbyists. It rattles politicians and shapes policy. It persuades bureaucracies to rethink science and strengthen regulation. It provides practical information you can use to protect your family and community."

Zowie! You go, EWG.

I am so grateful for this organization. I have greatly benefited from their Skin Deep Cosmetics Database (reviewed here by Meredith), which has empowered me with safety information about the products we use on our bodies.

I also highly recommend taking a stroll around EWG's Shopper's Guide to Pesticides in Produce, which provides a list of 45 common vegetables and fruits, from the most contaminated to the least. These guys have analyzed more than 60,700 samples taken over the last decade by the USDA and FDA, nearly all of which were washed or peeled first (which indicates to me that, in many cases, the chemicals are present in the very cells of the food). Check out their methodology and very informative FAQs.

Here are the foods you should definitely buy organic:

THE DIRTY DOZEN

1. Apples
2. Celery
3. Sweet bell peppers
4. Peaches
5. Strawberries
6. Nectarines - imported
7. Grapes
8. Spinach
9. Lettuce
10. Cucumbers
11. Blueberries - domestic
12. Potatoes

Though not found near the top of the list, green beans and kale/greens may contain toxic insecticide residues of special concern, so buy organic there too. The "Clean 15" contain the lowest pesticide residues. If budget is tight, you can skip organic here and feel pretty safe:

THE CLEAN FIFTEEN

1. Onions
2. Sweet corn (though I always buy corn organic because most U.S. corn is GM)
3. Pineapples
4. Avocado
5. Cabbage
6. Sweet peas
7. Asparagus
8. Mangoes
9. Eggplant
10. Kiwi
11. Cantaloupe - domestic
12. Sweet potatoes
13. Grapefruit
14. Watermelon
15. Mushrooms

Keep these lists somewhere handy for easy reference!

By the way, EWG was a big proponent of California's recently defeated Prop 37 (similar measures are currently in the limelight in WA, VT, and CT). If you're looking for a noble cause to donate to, EWG would be a great choice!

Essential Oils 101

I recently went to my first Essential Oils class.  It was by a doTerra teacher.  I have a few essential oils, but I know I don't know very much about them, and I don't use them enough.  I asked some basic questions and got some good answers.  Hopefully this basic introduction is helpful to some of you, too!

Source

• An "essential oil" is basically the essence of a plant.  All plants have them, but not all essential oils are known to be beneficial.  They are used in alternative medicine, and aromatherapy.
• doTerra is a good brand to use because they are %100 pure essential oil, and not all brands are.
• They don't expire
• It is good to apply the oil to the bottom of the feet, where the pores are the biggest and the oil can be absorbed into the body the fastest.

The instructor's very favorite essential oils:

1. Lavender--use for colds and cold prevention, soothes skin from burns, rashes  
2. Frankincense--many uses: anti-inflammatory, great for any skin problem, stress reliever
3. Peppermint and Lemon--good for diffusing aromatically, lemon will keep you energized, peppermint is also good for burns
4. Digest Zen--it's a blend for stomach pain, throwing up or heart burn.  It can be used on the stomach and feet.
5. On Guard--another blend.  It's a great immune booster.  She highly recommended the soap, cleaner and especially toothpaste (with a great personal story).
6. Wild Orange--a great stress reliever, mood uplifter

That was super brief, but it's a subject I'm interested in, and I would love to hear some of your favorite essential oils and how you use them?

Choosing Confidence

In most settings I was mild-mannered and shy while growing up (I say most settings because some people will laugh to read that sentence).  I remember as a teenager hearing other people boldly talk about politics, current events, music, health, whatever the subject, and being very impressed.  I thought to myself (no joke), “Boy, I wish I had opinions.”  

Original illustrations. :)

I was a studious girl, and the opinions eventually came --- as they tend to do with education.  But I think what I had really been wishing for was the confidence to express an opinion in the presence of someone who disagreed.  Even in those settings where I was not so shy, I was never confrontational.  This can be a virtue, and I’m satisfied to think that sometimes it was.  But when it is one’s character rather than one’s choice to avoid conflict, it is a weakness.

These days I find myself very ready, in most settings, to say kindly but confidently, “Well, I just don’t see it that way.”  What accounts for the change?  Certainly, a graduate degree and a few more years of experience under my belt leave me with talking points.  But after contemplating my own transformation, I have come to the conclusion that confidence is a choice.

Following are some examples of my progress, and how I got there.

Cooking.  Once I was terrified even of using a recipe.  Then I was terrified of deviating from a recipe.  Then I was terrified of the hard recipes with words like whey and meuniere.  Now I feel like I can handle cooking… even feel that I’m a good cook!

• How I gained confidence in cooking: I tried one recipe at a time, looked up one term, bought one new ingredient.  Experience and practice led to confidence.

Raising my hand. In grad school I was in a class of 20 really smart guys, and then one other smart girl (who never spoke) and smart myself.  There were some really outspoken guys in that class, and I really probably only raised my hand once.  I regret that!  I had things to say.  Now I am a professor, and I challenge students and sometimes colleagues on a regular basis when I disagree with their thought process.

• How I gained confidence in public argument: I had to talk myself into this.  I had to tell myself that my ideas were just as valid as the next person’s.  I had to walk through my idea in my mind, and agree with myself, and know why.  And then I had to take a leap and put myself out there.  I had to be willing to be vulnerable.  (Love this TED talk.)

 

Motherhood.  In the beginning, when Peter would cry, I would pick him up and flutter all over him and say in a high pitched voice, “It’s okay baby!  Oh baby what’s wrong?  Are you hungry?  Hurting?  Oh I don’t know what you need.”  Within a couple months this had changed to a calm, low voice, “Peter, it’s okay.  Mama’s here.  We’re safe and warm and sleep is such a nice place to be.  Rest your head.”

• How I gained confidence in answering my child’s needs:  One day I realized that all this time I had been assuming that my baby knew what he needed, and was just waiting for me to figure it out while I tried all the wrong things.  I realized that in fact, he had no idea what he needed (consciously), and what he needed most was to feel my gentle, sure confidence.   Once I realized this, I decided that for him, I would be confident.  I just decided!  And you know what?  Suddenly his other needs were much more clear to me.  Confidence led me to smarter, quicker decisions.  It changed me fundamentally as a mother.  And all I did was decide.

By the way,

I also love this TED talk.  The speaker talks about a controlled experiment she and some colleagues did that proved how our body language chemically affects our level of confidence (and not just the other way around).  Stand in a “power pose” (see above three illustrations) for two minutes before a job interview, or performance, or crucial conversation, and even in that amount of time your testosterone levels will jump and your cortisol levels plummet.